sagallimore 
This past week’s food loving holiday had been a year long waiting fear. As it has been for the past 3 years, the mention of Thanksgiving would often send chills to my arms and a nauseousness to my stomach. It is the food centered holiday causing an anxiousness around food I never knew I could have. Measuring up how many calories are made up in each delicious southern prepared dish was the focus of Thanksgiving day. I was concerned with how many spoonfuls I could allow myself to add to my plate and how I could stop my taste buds from craving the last two bites of chocolate fudge pie. I was too busy calculating how many calories were in a glass of red wine and how to run off enough calories that morning to ensure I had burnt off enough to fit that in the diet for the day. Many of you probably resonate with such thoughts and in fact feel this anxiety and nausea too when November rolls around. This was my way of thinking 1 year ago. I vividly remember having these exact thoughts that have now stuck with me even a year later. I was consumed by food so much that the thoughts robbed me of an enjoyable experience with family and friends. In that moment, my mind wouldn’t allow me to fall into that notoriously satisfying food coma. I was left with nothing but anger and an unsatisfied stomach.
Having helped myself this year and working towards restoring my relationship with food, Thanksgiving this year was a big question mark for me. I had honestly no idea of how it was going to go. I couldn’t tell if I was going to be able to store away those thoughts or fall back into them. As the week began, I was enjoying family, friends, and boyfriend time which totally preoccupied me from thinking of food. I was living in each moment keeping in mind whether or not I wanted to spend my week occupied with what food was going into my body, how I was gonna burn it off, or restrict the next day. This even looked like me getting up every single morning, reminding and self talking that it’s okay to eat because of the experiences it brings. Self talk works let me tell ya! Manifest that shit baby. The week started with every morning getting up and going to breakfast letting the food around the table foster those refreshing moments of quality family time. Food was no longer taking me apart from them, it was bringing us together. Routine had built up by the time Thanksgiving day had rolled around. I was not only enjoying food but found myself not thinking or caring how it was going to affect me later. It was a state of carelessness and joy I hadn’t felt on Thanksgiving in a while. The food, made by my grandmother, was of course delicious and I was full. However, not as full as me knowing that it has been food all along that has been cultivating special moments with my family. Food brings joy and contentment. Food breeds healthy relationships and is powerful enough to bring people together. I realized: how could I be so afraid of such a pure and good thing? I can’t.
So when someone asks me what I am thankful for? I could now say food and its ability to create wonderful moments and memories bringing family and friends together to conversate. It moved my relationships as I sat across from close ones at the table. I am moved and changed and for that I am thankful.
