sagallimore
Initially when deciding on a topic for this website it was hard to decide if I wanted to open up about this side of myself for others to see. Discussing the concept of body image in society can be a very vulnerable, touchy subject to many people. So with that being said I’m challenging myself to jump off the deep end.
Here is my story: Growing up I always had body related struggles beginning when I was around 12 years old. The daunting age when we begin to see young individuals bodies changing brings about a sense of confusion and insecurity. If you are reading this and you are that age, trust me, this is soooo normal! My body was beginning to change as I noticed my thighs and booty beginning to fill out. I couldn’t quite understand why my body was changing so early. I was becoming a woman and I didn’t like it. Comments were constantly thrown around to remind me to “watch what I ate”. I was told I couldn’t eat like my sisters because I had slower metabolism. The phrase “ you wanna be a barbie not a carbie” even comes to mind when remembering back. All in an attempt to remind me to keep that slim figure which, in reality, I would never have again. These daily comments, that are a product of a diet loving America, allowed me to think I had some type of problem. I thought there was something wrong with me because I liked to eat whatever the heck I wanted. I was taught I had to change the way I ate to be slim. I noticed myself beginning to compare my arms, thighs, hips, really everything on my body to my peers at school. I was constantly looking at myself in mirrors and windows to body check and remind myself what I looked like. Anytime I could, if I had enough time, I would stand there, stare, and pinch everything I wanted to change about my body. I was completely obsessed with how I thought I looked and how other people would look at me as well. I remember crying hysterically and throwing fits because I did not approve the way I looked when I glanced in the mirror. At 14, how can this be?? How sad it is for a young woman who has many other special, beautiful qualities about her to go through life being so vain to only care about the way she looked. I eventually got so obsessed with this concept of “body checking” that my mom decided to take me to a dietician and set me up with a personal trainer. This was all an attempt to help me feel better about myself through diet and exercise. I was constantly running on the hamster wheel of diets and different exercises that left me completely exhausted and still not happy with my body. Looking back this was detrimental, because it reinforced those thoughts in my head about what foods I “should” be eating and how much exercise I “should” be doing to reach that “perfect” body. As I grew tired of spinning on that wheel, losing weight, then gaining it right back, then trying on a new diet, and trying every type of exercise in the book, on and on and on…. I was done trying. I let myself go and I still was never happy. Finally, in college, I was introduced to the concept of calories in/ calories out program and its effect on losing weight. I began to realize the only true way I could run off the weight was to start restricting food. I started slowly by slowly minimizing the amount of calories I was putting in my body. Initially, it was working and I was so proud. I lost the weight I wanted to lose and even lost more than expected. I thought I was doing so good substituting a smoothie for lunch and dinner. I began rewarding myself each time I would eat less and less. Until, out of nowhere, I felt the most confident and happy with my body when all I was eating was granola bars for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I began to see food as the enemy that would lead me to self-destruct if I allowed myself to eat too much. I was completely abusing trust with my body and my relationship with food. As I dove deeper into this restriction cycle I noticed I wasn’t physically different anymore, I was mentally distraught. I had become a different person. I lost all parts of myself in the process of trying to reach an unrealistic goal led me to my end. I hated myself, more than I hated my body. I was shattered. So, at my end I decided I wanted to take the reins and regain control of my relationship with food, restore body trust, and reclaim my life. I wanted to not care about the way I looked in the mirror. I wanted to learn to accept my body for whatever shape or size it wanted to be. I wanted to learn to squeeze and love on my thighs that gave me so much anxiety and led me to believe I was never worthy enough. I wanted to feel empowerment in the qualities I, Sophia Gallimore, am proud of as a woman to share aside from my physical appearance. Through many emotional ups and downs, I can now say at 21 years old I am more accepting of my body than ever before. I am proud of my body and all it has to offer. Most importantly, I have found that I am excited to share qualities I love about myself with others rather than obsessing the way my body looks in hopes of approval. I have learned to rejoice and praise the many imperfections that make me who I am on this journey to loving the person on the inside. Whoever you are and if you have made it this far to reading this, I encourage you to share “Your Body Story” on my website at the link below. If you have experienced a tough relationship with loving your body let’s be open and talk about it. Share your story with me and join in the conversation!
Submit your Body Story Here:
