Letter to Myself

Dear Sophia, 

As I am writing this letter to myself, I am writing to the you that was entrenched in a mindset that led you to listen to what the world was telling you instead of what you were telling yourself. I am writing to the girl that distrusted herself enough to let society influence the beautiful woman she already was. As I sit here writing this letter, scaling my brain to remember the feelings I felt, I am reminded of the stories of a girl who was afraid to live as her own self, comfortable in her own skin. The stories of how deeply rooted I was in such a mindset leading me to think that social media, likes, and attention was the only route to developing self confidence. My confidence fed off of what other people thought of me. After doing what I thought I had to do to change my appearance to receive such outside and self acceptance, posting picture after picture, I was left with a numb sense of who I truly was and a destroyed relationship with food and body. I realized this wasn’t self confidence at all but an atomic bomb waiting to explode. Because the moment that I wasn’t receiving comments or attention, I was an ugly failure and the “self confidence” barometer dropped to zero. 

Six months ago, in the heat of all this madness, I couldn’t tell you what I just told you. I wouldn’t have been able to make sense of the paragraph above because I was in such denial and believed that I was living a healthy lifestyle. As far as I knew, I was just doing what everyone else was doing following the insta trends. Until I grew sick with being so obsessed with what everyone else thought of me and how a picture on social media held the keys to whether I felt beautiful that day. The old Sophia had to make an adjustment with who she was and whether or not she wanted to let go of the social media that had a hold on her life. I was at a pause.

 I needed that pause to recollect myself.  Now, I am proud of my complete 180 shift. Looking back, if I had to tell the old Sophia 10 things they would be: 

1. I am so proud of you for being strong enough to recognize the cycle that you were in and having the balls to break out of it – it was frickin hard. It was so worth it.
2. Stop relying on others’ opinions of you. You simply can’t please everyone. 
3. Don’t compare yourself to social media. Remember that instagram is a highlight reel.
4. Quit thinking that looks = happiness. It doesn’t and I found that out real quick. 
5. Educate yourself on the hidden danger of diet culture. Don’t trust every diet related ad you see. Inform yourself on how to fuel your body. Food is not the enemy, your mind is.  
6. Remind yourself of the things that make you unique and beautiful aside from looks. Body image starts with internal fulfillment. You cannot morph yourself into being happy. 
7. Don’t let social media be your only interest – we are living in a world where social media has quickly become everyone’s best friend. Tap into new skills or activities that fulfill you. I found my love of reading! Who woulda thought 😉 
8. Share your thoughts, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. I have found that when I am the most vulnerable, I have done the most personal growth. 
9. I am proud of my transition into sharing my thoughts and story on this blog in hopes to help others who are struggling. 
10. Trust in God. Lay out all anxieties, fears, and thoughts for him to take care of. He pulled me out of the rut I was in. 

As I write this to myself, I am also writing it for you. As I remind myself, I want to remind you that I was a girl who struggled, cried, failed, and tried again to come out with a new strength that has broken me from the cycle. Thank you for being a part of my journey. 

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